As part of the surgery prep, Mommy needed to fast 8 hours before surgery. I happened to wake up this morning around 4:45am and decided to eat a banana, protein bar and a glass of milk, my last good meal for a few days. Too bad I was not able to fall back asleep, but my nerves are starting to build. I'm not sure what is better: with Benz we found out the night before we'd be going in for a c-section since he was breech. We had a little time to prepare by reading books and talking to a few people who had recently been through it though the fear of the unknown can be killer. But I really had no idea what I was getting myself into and sometimes ignorance is bliss. This time around, I know pretty much exactly what to expect but that might not be the best thing afterall...I have a long road ahead of me. I am fearful of the anesthesia, the pain following surgery and the horrific recovery, especially since I have to now look after a baby and his big brother. But my doctor did ask me what my worst case birth scenario would be and I knew that if I labored for 20+ hours and then had to go in for another c-section that that would be much worse than having it scheduled. So at least I am avoiding that situation today, having my wonderful OB perform the surgery, and I can be much more calm and rested. And for those of you that know me well enough, this really is right down my alley. I am the ULTIMATE planner and to be able to mark the births of both of my children on a calendar in advance plays right into my need to be in control of everything and we all know how much I hate surprises!
I have so many different feelings as I contemplate today, which is probably the last day of my life that I will spend pregnant. For the most part, this has been such a smooth, uncomplicated pregnancy for which I feel so blessed. I am saddened to stop feeling my little one kick and hiccup inside of me and I will miss Benz rubbing my belly, singing songs to baby in utero and wishing baby brudder a good night with kisses. In a way, I will miss all of the pity looks random women have been giving me over the last month or so, as if to say with their eyes "hang in there, I feel for you 'cause I've been in your shoes, but it's going to be OK." But I am ready to move on to the next step of being a mother of two and welcoming this little one into our loving family. I am so excited to see who he will look like, how much he will weigh, how his personality will develop and most of all, the interactions between my two boys. I am a bit nervous to see how Benz will handle sharing my attention, as he's been the center of the universe for the past 4 1/2 years; I am praying for a smooth transition for everyone's sake. And I'm a bit worried that I may not remember the basics of baby care, but I think it will all come back naturally to me. This little guy's arrival has been a long road coming and it's hard to believe that I will be finally holding him in less than seven hours! So I spent the rest of this morning trying to cherish those last sweet kicks from inside my belly.
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